Saturday, September 4, 2010

To cry or not to cry...

Journal Entry 1/19/10
  Today Mary left for basic training in South Carolina. I try to put it out of my head so I won't cry, and I haven't yet. I remind myself that it's just training, and she's in no danger. But not talking to her for nine weeks is going to be hard. My camera died when I tried to get her picture. I feel awful, all the stupid things I got picture of and I ddin't even bother to charge the battery before we saw her. Mom was really upset, not teary, but flighty, per usual; except worse this time. And dad decided to mask his true concerns with the worry that she wouldn't be fed. "Eat your lunch. You don't know when the next time is you'll be fed." I'd be lying if I said I could read Sean, but I'd also be lying if I said he wasn't upset.
  I know it's hard on the whole family but I don't feel like I can really relate to any of them. I'm the only little sister loosing a big sister.  Not so much loosing I guess, but it sure feels like it.
  The ceremony was the most depressing part in all of it. There was a baby girl in the cafe who cried when her dad left. And a big latino family huddled around their soldier. From what I could see he left behind a mother, sister, wife and daughter. And he was young, very young. Then there were the countless sobbing family members in the elevator out. It made me want to cry, more for them than for myself, I think.
  Oh and i almost forgot, I had to tell aunt J too. At our favorite diner, eating breakfast. They all just brought it up and suggested "Ruthie you wanna tell her?". Of course I didn't want to. But it was clear I had to. "My sister...has decided to...join the military." They were the hardest words to say, and I couldn't even look at her.

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